No Experience Necessary

Dear Ms. P. Solver,

(Best read in an affected southern drawl)
Well, its like this Ms. P, I've got 162 days, 18 hours and 50 minutes left in office and I...I... I think I need a job. Now I don't expect to have a job as good as the one I have now; hell, I'll be lucky if I can get Daddy to hook me up after fucking up my latest endeavor. I think I'll stay away from anything to do with oil, baseball, and stocks. Shooooot..just to play it safe, I'd better stay out of politics too. You see what happened there! (chuckle) What do you think I should do?

Signed

George (yee haw!)

Dear Mr. President:
I only call you that out of respect for the title of the leader of the free world. Oh wait! were not free!! Thanks to you, the patriot act and all your free spending on a war I'm still unclear about, we are now the newest third world country mired in a dictatorship cloaked in the mask of democracy. I take my respect back. Fuck you, I'll refer to you as Georgie from here on out.
Sooo, Georgie if it hasn't already occurred to you, take your ass back to the ranch in Crawford, or the compound in Kennebunkport or wherever there is a sturdy rafter or beam and hang yourself. that's the best thing you can do for your country at this point. If for some reason you manage to fuck this up too, call Tricky Dick and arrange a hunting trip...Problem solved.
with love

Mrs. P. Solver

Politicos are celebs too.

Dear Ms. P. Solver,

I think I'm in over my head! All I wanted to do is ride on Airforce One and hear to words Mr. President. Now I am in a dead heat campaign with a brilliant, black ,wet behind the ears senator from Illinois. I really don't want this job but I can't lose to a black guy! But if I win, I will probably keel over in the first 3 months. The stress will be too much for my aged ticker to take. What should I do?

Cordially,

John

Dear Johnny boy,

You should follow your heart, (before it stops) to the nearest porch swing and sit your ass down. Have a glass of lemonade and tell war stories to the grandkids like the other senior citizens. Retire already! Your actions are reckless and disrupting the world order. Because of you, seniors around the globe are coming out of retirement with renewed gusto thinking they can change the world. Stop now and go away before the dead rise up and start running for office.

Signed,

Ms. P. Solver